Spiritual Ramblings

Letting go of the words

2011-05-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

God, today I am not quite sure what words I need to find the focus, the calm, to help me be centered. Perhaps words are not the answer. May the cool crisp air, warm sunlight, and love of tender hands provide assurance of your peace in the midst of my unrest.

Belly laughing

2011-04-28T11:28:00.000-07:00

O God, I am quite sure I saw you yesterday in a belly laugh. The joy that breaks forth from my child's face is surely the joy that you hope to pour into our lives. I celebrate the moment that we shared together as we laughed. The power of that moment is beyond words. All I can say is how grateful I am for the moments that make my heart so full my eyes fill with tears. I am so glad that I have today and that I get to experience it again. Praise be to you oh God, for the overwhelming joy in the simplest of places.

It is solved by walking

2011-04-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a very unique experience. I walked the labyrinth with the youth group as we mediated on our participation in the Kingdom Experiments and what it was like to try to live the beatitudes. At the end of the night, Dev Crist, invited us to walk the labyrinth as a group. It has inspired me to pray:

Oh God, I celebrate this morning all the ways communities push us, pull us, and drag us on the path. I give thanks for the ones who lead and the ones who follow. O God, physically being on a path helped me to see, not only that we need each other, but that we already have each other and we need to come together to find our direction. We need to come together in you oh God. May the shuffles of our feet, the stretching of our hands, and the connectedness we already have in you, be further strengthened so that we might live as your people daily. May it be so.

Feeling full, but needing substance

2011-04-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

God, as I look at my calendar for the week I feel full. There is so much I hope and need to accomplish. As I think about the week, my face, back, and shoulders begin to get tense. May your breath, your life break into these moments of tension. Remind me of your spirit. Center me in your goodness. Embrace me in my anxiety. Breath life of calm, chill, peace into my moments. Give me substance O God. Provide me with substance O God.

Ready

2011-04-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

I was at a meeting last week where we starred into the face of the unknown. One of the members said she felt ready. She was ready to step into the mystery and trust in the hope of a new and more loving tomorrow. I long to be ready...

God, I want to be ready to receive something new, something different. In the face of the mystery of your calling, may my heads, feet, heart, and mind be prepared to care for, nuture, and tend this newness. Break in, I am so hungry for it, break into my life so I might discover how to care for my brothers and sisters more fully. I talk about it a lot, but help me discover new ways to do it. Ways that become real and part of my living. May it be so.

No, I do not have a case of the Mondays, I am just grumpy

2011-03-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

So a quick update. I prayed about taking time to catch snowflakes on my tounge and I did it. It was more wonderful then I had remembered. I found myself laughing so hard I was in tears... Creating God, create a new mindset, a new space in me this day. Open my clentched fists that I might be ready to recieve. Shift my perspective so that I may be ready and willing to do what is needed. Grant me clearer vision through the fuzzy fog.

Snow on a Spring day

2011-03-26T10:01:00.001-07:00

Living in St. Louis I have found one thing is always constant, the weather is always going to change. I never know if I will wake up to find sun, rain, snow, wind, or other outside my window. Although it is technically a spring day and I expected and hoped to find flowers and sun and maybe a rain shower, I was greeted by spring snowflakes. Go figure.

But this surprise of snow reminded me that is life. It is the unexpected, the joys, the challenges, and certainly the stuff that I thought was behind me. So, I decided to rejoin the blogging world.

I have decided I want to create a space that is open for my prayers, my hopes, and a new spiritual practice for myself. And if there is anyone out there who is willing to come and long and have this conversation with me, great.

This space is going to be used as a space for me to offer some prayers. I am eager to hear new ways and ideas to be open to the spirit of God in our midst from anyone who wants to comment.

I know I often find the Spirit of God in nature, in my son, in conversations with people, while in my car, and in places that surprise me. My hope in sharing these prayers is to be more intentional and more watchful for that spirit and to be open to the luring of God. I hope you join me in praying and finding new ways to pay attention....

God, I delight in the unexpected ways that you pop up in my life. In snow on a spring day, you remind me that life is not always what I expect it to be. May I be open to things that are surprising. May they teach me. I know my first response is to be upset and grumpy. Instead help me to take delight and try to catch snowflakes on my tongue. Amen.

Realizing Peace

2009-12-01T08:48:00.000-08:00

As we prepare for the second Sunday in Advent and prepare to light the second advent candle, peace, this image has been captivating my mind. This mural was created a few weeks ago at a lock-in at Webster Groves Christian Church. The youth and spiritual mentors (with some assistance by John and Carolyn) created several mixed media murals. I have been sitting with the questions, what is peace, what does peace look like in our world, how do we live peace? And this image keeps coming to mind.

In the image peace is constant. It encircles and holds together all the colors. Peace is vibrant and alive. I recall watching as the youth created this mural. They took great care and work to make the peace sign. They used a pattern, a hula hoop, to make the circle. Perhaps there is not one set pattern for peace, but several models of non-violent action by Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, and Jesus set before us that can help us create a pattern for peace in our lives.

After the peace sign was carefully constructed, they spattered paint everywhere! It was an active process that included laughter, joy, movement, energy, and the willingness to let go. They had planned to use hands to construct the peace sign. But after it was made, they realized it needed other direction. Peace demands that we listen deeply and are willing to let go of our best laid plans.

Maybe I am reading to much into this sign, or maybe, just maybe the creation and existence of this piece of art is helping to realizing the process of peace in my journey. Thanks again to all the hands and hearts that constructed these pieces!

An Urban Silence

2009-09-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

Last week I traveled to San Francisco to participate in the Bethany Fellowships. Research revealed that many new pastors do not stay in the ministry past five years, so Bethany was created to help new pastors develop patterns of sabbath, retreat, and rest in ministry. The group meets twice a year for a five day retreat in a different parts of the United States. Each day of the retreat has a different focus. On Wednesday, we were invited into 24 hours of silence.

The last time I went on retreat I spent the day of silence on the retreat center grounds. I watched the sunset and a turtle crawl out of the woods. This past Wednesday, I got on a train and rode into downtown San Francisco. It was amazing to be still and yet moving on the train. Through the window of the train I watched the fog crawl over the mountains. Upon arrival in downtown San Francisco, my companion Dietra and I, boarded a MUNI light rail in silence. We rode past the bay, pier after pier.

Then we wandered the streets trying to find fresh seafood. In silence we found a sandwich restaurant, not our first choice, but a place to eat. Then we wondered the streets to the museums. After some confusion on the streets, we found the Museum of the African Diaspora. It was powerful to listen to the stories of African people who traveled to United States in slavery, escaped slavery, and fought for their freedom. As I sat and watched a video of Dr. Howard Thurman, my heart swelled. I was overcome by the courage, passion, and conviction of my brothers and sisters.

My day of silence was filled with energy, sounds, and life. God was alive and well on the streets of San Francisco that day. I was thankful that I was silent, aware, and watching. Time and
time again I have experienced God in the beauty of a sunset or calm of water. In San Francisco I experienced God in the drums beats, the rush of people going in and and out of shops, the stories at MoAD, and in Urban life.

For more information about the Bethany Fellowships, visit http://www.bethanyfellowships.org/.
For more information about the Museum of the African Diaspora, visit, http://www.moadsf.org/

Chasing Balloons

2009-05-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

During Christian Education this past week we talked about the movement of the Spirit. While considering the elusive nature of the Spirit and its movement in our lives, we chased around balloons. We, the church, laughed, danced, and twirled as we tried to keep the balloons from touching the ground. The wind came and blew the balloons in all directions. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. The work of the Spirit is a mystery, but when we are lucky it can involve some dancing, twirling, and lots of laughter.

Spring Wonderland

2009-04-06T21:44:00.001-07:00

On Saturday I went to the Botanical Gardens. It was a warm, sunny day, and spring flowers were in bloom. Several individuals took advantage of the wonderful spring day. The gardens were packed.

When I first arrived, everywhere I turned I had to stand in a line. I was a bit annoyed. I wanted to roam free and dance near all the flowers. Instead, I had to wait to take pictures until people moved back.

As I looked closer at my companions I saw a mother and father dancing with delight with their infant as they were surrounded by new life emerging from the ground. I saw small children running up to flowers touching them and laughing. I saw an elderly couple juggling a camera as they tried to capture all the life that moved around them. In an instant I was surrounded by new life, not just flowers, but people joyously celebrating the season of spring.

During holy week we are invited into a time of reflection where we examine the tension of life and death. Tonight we are expected to get a hard freeze. It seems more appropriate to talk about death as winter gives us (hopefully only) one more round of cold. But, we know the ground is anxious and already beginning to give new life.

Walking down the paths at the Botanical Gardens, I found myself renewed and re-energized by all the life that surrounded me. New life will come as it has seasons before. New life will have a hard time preserving through all the elements.

May your heart be surprised by the beauty of a tulip or the scent of a hyacinth. Dance with joy and delight as new life comes!

Surprises

2009-03-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight I opened up a coloring book from college. It was given to me by my mother in a college care packet. Inside the middle of the book was a note. My mother had written words of love, care, and encouragement and, "take time to relax, eat right and nurture yourself. Listen to your inner voice."

Years later these words of encouragement, care, and good advice, still have meaning in my life. These days I have been trying to discern how to honor my voice, eat right, find time to relax, and nurture myself. It was a wonderful surprise to find these words years after college, words that still speak to my life.

Pray without Ceasing

2009-03-04T19:32:00.000-08:00

At many points in my life I have heard Paul's phrase, "pray without ceasing," and I begin to worry. Can I really pray without ceasing? Do my hands have to be folded together all the time? How in the world will I see where I am going with my eyes closed in deep meditative prayer all the time?

Today I had a conversation with my spiritual director about prayer. I sat down and she asked her usual question, what's been going on? I shared with her that yesterday I created two paintings. As I prepared to paint with Japanese Ink, I made a cup of tea and lit a candle. I told her I have been lighting candles daily this Lenten season. I walk into a room, grab a lighter, and ignite a wick. The light has offered me nuggets of calm and peace in my day. And when I see the flame dance on the wick, I have small moments of delight. She suggested that the light of the candle is an extension of the light, spirit living within me.

As I continued to share with her about my prayer life I lamented that I am not praying as often as I hoped in this time of lent. She paused and said, "what about those candles you have been lighting or those painting you made? Those are expressions of the presence of God deep within you." I realized that although intentional moments of prayer are needed (weekend retreats, prayer with other people, etc) the acts of my life are indeed acts of prayer and I am already doing it!

Indeed, spirit, life, God's presence is already deep in our daily actions. Perhaps, praying without ceasing means something a bit different than I had originally thought...

Meeting Jesus

2009-03-02T08:25:00.000-08:00

Last week we began the journey into the Lenten season. Over the past few days I have been thinking about the life of Jesus and what it means for me follow. In the midst of my contemplative reflection a friend came to visit.

We traveled St. Louis for two and a half days exploring different parts of the city. At one of our vacation locations, we met Tom and Julie. They shared their food (extra-ordinary potato chips). Then Tom shared some wisdom with us. He reminded us that life is short and it is best to really nurture those specials relationship in your life. He said there will be only a hand full of people who will be with you throughout your life, so treasure those relationships and tend to them. He proceeded to instruct us to cherish mother, father God. Julie tried to encourage her husband to be quiet, but eventually shared her wisdom too. She shared about nurturing a relationship with an old college roommate. They had remained friends for over thirty years. It was a profound moment for both my friend and I. As we left, we both felt like we had met Jesus.

I suspect that's the thing about meeting Jesus. In the sharing of food and conversation, Jesus shows up in unexpected places and around unexpected tables. May our hearts always be open to warmth that we might find from a stranger (especially those who possess an abundance of wisdom and yummy potato chips).

Being Alive

2009-02-11T17:29:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I had the opportunity to travel to Columbia, MO for a youth conference. There I heard Mark Yaconelli speak about Contemplative Youth Ministry. Mark's premise is that we are spiritual beings in need of others to help remind us to take time to notice God's presence in our lives and give thanks. He equips youth ministers and workers with ancient spiritual practices as a way to become more invested in their own spiritual life. Mark discovered that if the adults are invested in their spiritual lives they will be more prepared to help teach, guide, and be open to the spiritual lives of the youth (and all of those around them).

One of the things Mark focused on was the idea of being alive. At first glance, this concept seems a bit odd. If you are breathing and reading this blog you are alive, right? Mark defined being alive having the ability slow down and notice the beautiful sunset, having an investment in the lives of others, having healthy relationships, and the ability to be present with others.

I was quite taken with this concept. How often do I stop to give thanks for the huge mysterious moon in the sky? Do I tell my friends and family that I care for them as often as I would like? Do I let the stress of my day control my mood and ability to be present?

Some days I may do a better job of being alive than others. Other days I will need someone in my life or in creation to remind me of what it is to be alive. There lies the value of sharing this journey with others. We are all spiritual beings in need of others to help remind us to see God's activity, take notice, and give thanks.

For more information about Mark Yaconelli and Contemplative Youth Ministry Visit: http://www.ymsp.org/welcome.html

In the Bleak Midwinter

2009-01-27T14:11:00.000-08:00

Last week I participated in a worship service called, "In the Bleak Midwinder." The service was intended to focus on our state of being in the cold, harsh, mid of winter. The weather the day of the service was sunny and 60 degrees.

Today that service seems appropriate. As I gaze out my window a light wintry mixture continues to fall. The world seems quieter and most everyone is seeking refuge indoors. Many children, students, and employees are celebrating a snow day. The clouds brought a gift of rest and a break from our daily routines packaged in a white wet mix.

During the service there was time to mediate and focus the winters of our lives. We heard a poem and prayer about the harsh death of winter. Even though I am experiencing the bleak midwinter, I find myself quite glad. Today I experienced the calm the snow brought in the bleak midwinter. I suspect if I lived further north I would be praying for more sun and warmer temperatures and understand the word bleak more fully.

Winter can be a harsh time of clearing and of death, a time for us to mediate and reflect on our lives. May it also be a time of calm and rest in the bleakest of moments.

take this bread

2009-01-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

For Christmas I received a book called, take this bread, by Sara Miles. This is a memoir of a twenty-first-century Christian. Her story is captivating. The back cover of the book sums up her story, "Early one morning, for no earthly reason, Sara Miles, raised an atheist wandered into a church and received communion, and found herself transformed-embracing a faith she'd once scorned..." Miles discovers a religion centered on real hunger, real food, and real bodies. She turns the communion table, where she first received the bread, into a food pantry.

The image is profound. The communion table, where we share bread and the cup week after week, a place for people who are hungry to receive food. In my estimation, Miles takes Jesus' invitation to heart and discovered a way to make it real for all people in her community. I am captivated by her bravery and her openness to God's invitation.

Each week that I have come to the communion table since I have been reading Miles' story, I have thought about the food pantry spread out on the communion table. I have thought about how we are all connected by sharing a meal at Jesus' table. Through Christ, we share the table with St. Gregory's Episcopal Church serving their community grapes, beans, bread, and numerous other groceries as part of their communion celebration. It turns out there is room for more than bread and wine at the table.

Miles has got me thinking about the table. What does it mean for all to truly be invited to the table? How can we extend the welcome and share a meal together throughout the week? How do we share bread with our neighbors? In this book, I am finding more questions than answers and I am quite grateful.

Baby Jesus, Santa, Charlie Brown, and a flock of chicks

2008-12-23T17:54:00.001-08:00

Christmas feels very different as an adult. I remember as a child the excitement and wonder I used to feel as Christmas drew closer and closer. As an adult, my energy of wonder and excitement have been redirected to other tasks. I am told having children brings some of those feelings back. As I am a few years away from having children, I keep trying other ways to find that special feeling.

This past Sunday that feeling, that wonder, came in four different ways. I experienced my first Triptych service at WGCC. A Triptych is a piece of artwork with three door accentuating the center panel. For several years WGCC has invited characters to come and be the still life pieces of the picture of the shepherds, angels, and wise people gathered to see Jesus'. So, this past Sunday morning, I got to see Jesus as played by infant Sydney Woodrome. Right before the doors opened to reveal the holy family, I heard loud crying sounds. But as the doors opened, I saw a majestic infant playing the part of the peaceful, quiet, Jesus child. It was beautiful.

After the service Brent and I were invited to share a meal at some church members' home. Following the meal, our host read us a story about Santa Claus (this was for the children, but I wanted to hear the story too). The story was about a Santa who visits sick children during the year brings them medical supplies, helps build wells, and works to save the environment. This is a Santa I can support. As the story ended Santa paid us a visit. We gave Santa the medical supplies we had collected to take to our Global Mission Partners in Haiti. It was one of my favorite moments with Santa.

I had one more event on Sunday, a Christmas party with the Youth Group. We met in fellowship hall and shared food that we had all made for one another. Then we watched Charlie Brown's Christmas. Charlie Brown always helps remind me what it is all about this time of year. In the past, the youth group has brought small gifts to give one another. This year one of our sponsors suggested we bring that one or two dollars to the group and pool our money to buy a flock of chicks (a $20 invest) from Heifer International. Heifer is working to eliminate hunger and poverty by providing families live stock so they can become self sustaining. After our party I counted the money we had collected. We had enough money to buy seven flocks of chicks. It was such a wonderful gift.

In celebrating an infant child during Advent, we know God's love in the world. Love has the power to permeate our lives and make us give generous of ourselves to one another. As I reflect upon that day in this advent season, I realize the four pieces of my day were deeply connected. All the wonder and excitement of Christmas rushed into my life because of the infant child, Santa Claus, Charlie Brown, and a few flocks of chicks.

Watch and Wait

2008-12-16T12:56:00.000-08:00

In a season that invites us to give of our time, our talent, our food, and our resources, it is vastly important to give food, talent, resources, and time for ourselves! Today I was reminded of the value of making time for ourselves.

Snow lightly covered the ground last night. So, this morning I planned a little extra time for travel to my first appointment. As I came to the second stop light on my journey I noticed traffic was abnormally heavy. After a few rounds of the traffic light, I noticed the left arrow had been skipped time and time again. So, I sat at the light, waiting. Inside I wanted to scream, but I quickly realized there was nothing I could do. So instead of getting angry I tried my best to be patient and the light did change, eventually. I even reflected for a moment on all this waiting we do for the Christ child to come again into our lives.

As I continued on my journey, I hit more traffic. I called my spiritual director, the place I was headed, to let her know that I was running late. Soon after I called I realized traffic had stopped moving again. There was a train. I sat in my car calmly and peacefully eagerly awaiting to get to my appointment.

Later today I made a trip to the post office. There was one person working the post office counter. So I grabbed a ticket and waited. As I left the post office in a good mood, I realized this day could have gone south in a hurry. But, I had taken a moment for me and for my spirituality today and that gave me peace. As I watched and waited today, normally I would have wanted to rush the traffic along or to have gotten through the line much quicker. But today, on a day that I made intentional time for me and my spiritual well-being, I was calm.

I pray you find time for yourself and your spiritual selves this advent season. May you be filled with unexpected moments of peace and calm in the midst of all your waiting.

The wonder of the season

2008-12-01T09:43:00.001-08:00

Last week I had the opportunity to see old home movies and photographs. Most people cringe at the thought of watching past moments. I found myself a bit like Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation minus being trapped in an attic. My eyes watered and my heart filled with joy.

The videos and pictures ranged from my childhood to my dad's childhood. There were several pictures of my mother and father as a young married couple. During one of the slideshows on the projector a picture of my Aunt Bessie flashed on the scene. Aunt Bessie lived to be 101 years-old. She was sharp, witty, and tough. When the picture came up my dad yelled to mom, "Come check out this picture." When my mom saw the pictures she kissed her fingers and reached her hand up to the screen and said, "Hi, Aunt Bessie. I miss you."

I was moved by her action. Her simple gesture displayed her love and care for this member of our family. As I reflect on this moment I am struck by how the memories of Aunt Bessie flood into my mind. I miss her most at Halloween, but all throughout the holiday season.

The season of the holidays can be quite wondrous. Pictures and stories have the power to flood our minds. Memories of loved ones fill our hearts. May your advent season be filled with wonder and memories of loved ones past and present.

Post-Election Reflections

2008-11-17T18:38:00.000-08:00

Over the past week I attended two ordination services. It was wonderful to gather with friends and family to celebrate the life and ministry of my colleagues and friends. While sharing a meal before one of the services I had a holy post election moment.

On the eve before the election I wondered what things might look like on the other side of the election and in Nebraska while preparing for an ordination service I witnessed more history. A 92 year-old Caucasian Republican man from Nebraska invited an African American Homosexual Democrat woman from St. Louis to join him in singing. Both individuals were passionate singers. Separately each of them could ‘bring it’, but their voices united singing Amazing Grace gave me chills. I had the urge to record the moment and send it to President-elect Obama. The 15-20 people gathered in the room all ceased conversation the moment they began singing, because we all knew we were on holy ground. Labels ceased to matter. For a moment things seemed less complicated. It was simple, we were humanity gathered to celebrate and share life.

Life is not without complications, but every once and a while it is good to experience the beautiful diversity of humanity living in peace.

Election Eve

2008-11-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

On election eve I find myself quite anxious. Some of my anxiety stems from my concern over who will be our next president, but a vast majority of my concern stems from my ponderings about how we as a national community will respond to the vote. We face some huge challenges and we need a way forward. Somehow we must come together and meet the challenges together. Will we unite and progress together whatever the outcome may be?

Last week I finished the book The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. I found many insights and challenges for life in this tale. But, one stands out thinking about Wednesday morning. One of the characters August, says, life is more than loving folks, life is about persisting in love. On Wednesday and each morning after, we will have opportunity after opportunity to persist in love. This persistence just may be a way for us to face the challenges present in our midst and the challenges that await us.

It may mean that I have to love my neighbor who voted for ______________. But, loving that neighbor and working together for our schools, our healthcare, our economy, just may be the only way.

Welcome!

2008-10-30T09:24:00.001-07:00

Welcome to my blog! I hope this space can be a place for our community to share insights about our spiritual lives and journey together. Often in life I feel like my spiritual insights are the ramblings of my heart. This blog is intended to be a place to share those insights without need for perfect spelling and grammar, but a place for authentic experiences of the heart. I look forward to sharing those ramblings!